So, my semester of real world teaching experience is winding down. I only have a samll bit of grading left and a final exam to administer and grade. It has been one of the hardest experiences of my life. The cherry on top was the student evaluations. They were not good. I have been told that evaluations are always like that and that it is a sign that I am doing my job, but it is still a difficult thing to deal with. Especially since some of the comments hit a little too close to home. I am trying to find the reward in this semester, well, besides the monetary one. There were very few moments where I felt that satisfaction of being able to teach someone something. Most of my feelings in retrospect of this semester are exhaustion, stress, fear, guilt, and low self esteem. One of the other professors said that the academic life is one of rejection. The students reject you. Grant agencies reject your proposals. Journal reject your publications. The rewards are few and far between. So moral of the story, stop hating your old chem teacher and tell a teacher that you know that they are doing a good job.
This is a very scary time for me right now because I don't know what I want to do with my life. I think that the lack of satisfaction in teaching and the difficulty in getting a job in this field with me moving around as much as I am, will eliminate teaching as an option. At least I really had a chance to try it. So what now?
just breathe....
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