At Last!

Today I am free! It was my last day at work. Yay! Despite the rain it was actually a pretty good day. My cursing buddy was absent and so everyone was happy (no, I am not the only one that hopes he chokes on the pesticides). I got to work with the people I liked all day long. The quotes of the day include: “Is that a corn cob in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?” “I have buttered myself.” “There is butter on my underwear.” Before you ask, yes it was a corn cob in a pocket and no, it was not me. I think the best moment though, was when someone accidentally locked the boss in a greenhouse and she had to radio to be let out. We giggled over that for the last hour. Now I am free to get back to the insanity of my own life.

Wes is coming back in a couple weeks. It seems like he has been gone forever, yet also that he only left yesterday. Weird how time passes like that… I keep making mental grocery lists of the food he likes and what I am going to cook. I might even arrange the silverware drawer as a homecoming present, but that is not very likely. Maybe I will arrange it, take a picture and print a cover for the chaos that I prefer. Viable solution to the Silverware War of the Brown household? Well, amusing anyway.

I have some good writing news. An article I wrote is being published in To the Point art magazine. You can read it here: Library of Babel.

I am still working on the color pencil drawing, but I have to finish it this week if I want to enter it in the CPSA show. It should take about 8-10 hrs of work yet, but now that I am free, I have it penciled in for Monday (no pun intended). :D I will post a picture of the finished piece soon.

Dearie me, Doormats not welcome

I finally quit. Yes, I decided to stop whining about quitting and just do it. The final straw was when I got sick last weekend, again. I spent the day on the couch and didn’t eat for three days. I get sick occasionally, but never that sick. I attribute it to a weakened system from being outside in the cold too much, but it was the final straw and I turned in my two weeks’ notice last Monday, so I am happily anticipating my final day on Friday.

I was hoping to coast through the last week without investing too much emotionally into the job. However, thus far, that is not to be. I am pausing here to go get a glass of wine to go with my whine…ha.

Better now.

Yesterday, we were ordered to dump all the pansies from last fall because they weren’t going to sell. Most of them looked pretty bad, so no loss there, but about a third of them were still in good shape. I would have loved to adopt them and plant them in my flower bed. However, we were informed under no uncertain terms that we were not allowed to take any home. One person was even put in charge of making sure they got to the compost heap. All I can say is “How stingy!” At my last greenhouse job, everyone was allowed to take several trays of pansies home over the season. Other jobs have included free donuts or other ‘treats’ to foster good will and other pleasant feelings between employers and employees. No so at this job. I swear that they do everything they can sometimes to foster a mean work atmosphere. Note to all bosses and business owner, treats for employees is not a bad idea, like treats for your dog. So I spent Monday murdering perfectly lovely pansies and hating every moment. Only four days left, I said.

Then I came across today. Now in my previous post, I mentioned a character that I portrayed as being interesting with his “big secrets” and inability to take humor in the light it was given. However, I was doing my best to be kind. Today the gloves come off. I have hated this guy from the first moment he spoke to me. I did try to be pleasant to work with despite some of the comments that were borderline sexual harassment. I joked to keep him at a distance. I told him that he was my mortal enemy. The final straw was when he approached me when I was alone in a greenhouse, moved really close within my comfort zone and said to me, “I don’t know about this being enemies. It makes think of Sleeping with the Enemy.” COME ON! Why did he have to go there? There is no way that can be taken in a good light on any level. There were other things that I was trying to over look, as well, but that was the final straw. So I did my best to just avoid him until the time was up. Today I failed in my mission. I had to work with him all day, listen to his stupid Eeyore voice, watch him work at snail pace so everyone else will do the work for him, watch him play stupid even though he has been working there for half a year, listen to his racist comments…the list goes on. By the afternoon, I was really wound up. During our final task, I screwed something up. He took this opportunity to say, “I told you so, Dearie.” I snapped. It was actually the ‘dearie’ that did it. It was so in keeping with his superior than all women attitude that it just pushed the wrong button. Also, I have been trying to stand up for myself lately because when I let people treat me like a doormat, I just end up feeling like crap anyway. I responded with, “Fuck you John*!” I know, it was clever and brilliant and scathing and …pretty lame, but I was in a rage by this point. He said, “Fuck you!” back and I thought we were done for a while. I was wrong. This exchange had been loud and witnessed by others. When we were placing pots about 10 ft from the remainder of the group, he said really quietly so no one else would hear, “Kiss my ass, freak.” So many things went through my head at that moment, but the point of clarity was that I wasn’t going to spend the next 3 days with him saying nasty stuff to me when no one could hear. It was like punching a bully in the nose before he decides that you are his latest eternal victim and I had to punch the bully. So I announced to the rest of the work group in a very loud voice that I would like to share what John said to me and repeated it. I think I shocked him because his immediate response was to deny he ever said any such thing. While I don’t know who believes that I was telling the truth because I haven’t worked there long enough for my coworkers to know that I am painfully honest most of the time, I also don’t really care. It will be something for them all to talk about for years. After that, there was scolding by the crew leader and a threat to take us before the boss. I almost laughed about that because I am leaving in 3 days and would probably enjoy the novelty of being fired. If I have to work with him over the next 3 days though, I might just leave before my sentence is up.

All in all, the week has been surreal. Sometimes you read about the sort of people that will carry on a hate campaign when no one is looking, but somehow I thought it was mostly fiction. Wrong. I am also the kind of person that will just admit it when I say something or screw up, but apparently some people would rather lie about it. Speaking of screwing up, I did screw up today. I should never have let him get to me. I should have pretended that all was right with the world and I would have never started down this nasty road. I also guess that from his point of view, I went from being nice to a bitch overnight, but on the other hand, he had know that the “Sleeping with the Enemy” comment pissed me off because I wasn’t pretty blunt about it all at that moment. I hate it when people make me bitchy. While, I look back at much of my behavior today with distaste, I cannot look back at the last part of the day and be unhappy about my responses. Sometimes a girl just needs to establish boundaries. Moral of the story…don’t call me Dearie.

Only three more days.

*Name has been changed for no real reason.

Rewards of Perseverance

Despite the numerous incidences of encouragement to quit my job, I have not. It probably helped that I had two days to recoup and distance myself after the last post. There have been several rewards for not quitting, but not what I would have expected. First, one of the tenants has stopped paying rent again and we are pursuing eviction again. Having a job takes some of the edge off the worry, knowing even though I make very little, it will still cover that house’s mortgage. The other rewards are much more abstract.

First, I met someone that really annoys me. I know! It’s hard to understand how that is really a reward for perseverance. It seems more like a punishment! The truth is that it has been a long time since I have had to work closely with a person that annoyed me this much. The last person to annoy me this much on a regular basis was probably one of my brothers (genetic or fraternity, take your pick). This person even made me so mad the other day that I actually said, “Do whatever you want!” and walked away. Then I had to scold myself into acting like an adult instead of a spoiled child. Even though I was mad and annoyed, there was a small part of me that was amused at my own flaws. Also, since I have been working with great people for so long, that I had really forgotten what it was like to be around people that I don’t really like. (My two jobs in Rhode Island don’t count because I really didn’t interact enough to conflict with other employees). Bringing it all back to the more prominent goal of writing, I have found more grist for the mill as they say. I have met several interesting people, who will be an interesting character basis.

First, the person who annoys me. Now, to be fair, English is not her native language and several people (her sister included) think that she might be starting to suffer from an early form of dementia. That said, she will listen to what you say, or what a supervisor says, nod in agreement and then do something else entirely. Today for example, I asked her to push a cart out from the back of a greenhouse next to another one so we could put the pots out in a field. I came back from getting supplies we needed to find that she had switched the carts instead. I assume that this is a language barrier, but grrr… Other times, she will watch me coil a hose, which is a simple task but doesn’t always go smoothly. She will stand over me, watching, making it that much more difficult to deal with and say yayaya or nonono, like she can actually give me advice about how to coil a hose. So, having never been around a person like this, I didn't understood how annoying a person can be. Now I have the basis for a character who gets in the way and throws monkey wrenches into the plans.

Character number two is a control freak, but I am not going to say more about this here, since this is a bosslike person. Let’s just say that the ipod foolishness is just one example of the methods of control.

Last character is less definitive as a type, but somewhat entertaining. This person will stand super close and quietly tell me “big secrets” like what he had for dinner the night before. Since he was within my comfort zone, I moved back a step. He steps right back in super close and continues with his white noise. Aahh! I am afraid to open a conversation with him because he never stops telling me his “Big Secrets.” I don’t intend to be mean here because he is mostly nice. I tried to keep him at bay by harmless joking, telling him that he was my arch nemesis, but he takes everything I say seriously and I think was actually depressed by my nonsense. I guess my future policy will be to avoid. Anyway, an interesting, if confusing character.

Beyond gathering characters for my future stories and some cash, I am not sure what my other rewards might be. I guess a sense of desperation to find a new job. In the good news category, Wes will be home in less than a month. YAY! I have already started the honey do list.

Moments of Clarity

Normally I would be in bed fast asleep by this hour (11:30 pm) so I am rested for my work day. Let me tell you about the series of events that has led me type a blog entry late at night.

I had to work today, which was fine and the only notable thing about it was that it was Sunday and I felt a little resentful that I didn’t have two days off in a row. At work, it was cold, but I was prepared for cold. However, I was set to work inside labeling plants; a cushy job considering the weather outside. Even better, I realized that I could listen to my ipod because the Nazi boss wasn’t there. I had just loaded a new story onto my ipod, so it was going to be a good day. One hour in, the battery goes dead. (This has been happening more frequently since the ipod is about 4-5 years old now.) Sigh. Still, things are not so bad I think as I listen to the rain pound on the plastic above. At least I am warm and dry.

This state of being lasts until after lunch when we are sent outside to close all the greenhouses and cover all the plants because it is going to snow tomorrow. I have my rain jacket and I know as long as I can keep my body core warm, I will be all right. The wind is blowing terribly and we have to close the sides of the green house. This is not an easy task in good weather and with the wind the job requires two people. One to hold the plastic and another to push the metal twisty wire in the bottom of the frame. It is too complicated to explain how that works, but it requires dexterity. I am the one nominated to be dexterous and I get my first nasty shock, well 2nd (first was the shower when I unrolled the plastic in the first place). As I am squatting to shove the wire in place, I realize that water is dripping from my rain coat down into the back of my plants. I laugh this off, because most of me is still dry. My companion, holding the plastic in place is complaining bitterly about how this should have been done yesterday when the weather was better. I try not to listen because, as always, I know that it does not matter what should have been done, only what has to be done. Fast forward 1 ½ - 2 hrs. My rain jacket has done a marvelous job keeping the top half of me dry, but that is the only claim to comfort I have. My legs are soaked and numb. My under wear is even soaked and I mean dripping wet. My waterproof boots are doing a marvelous job being impervious to water. They are keeping all the water that has run down my legs and soaked into my socks from escaping back to where it belongs. I squelch when I walk. My hands are numb and barely functioning. As I put the wired for the last greenhouse in place I too am mentally cursing the person who was too lazy to do it yesterday. This is the first moment of clarity of the day.

At that point, I realized that this work was beneath me. I am better than this. Many of you are probably thinking, “Duh!” But first I have to explain some of my personal philosophy. I have always believed that no one is better than another person. Everyone is equal. Different yes, but not better. This has outlook has led to some interesting dating adventures and has allowed me to always be a hard worker no matter how menial the labor. By looking at the job I was doing and saying I was better than this job, the unspoken implication is that there is someone who is not better than this job. There is someone who should be doing this job instead of me. This train of thought has completely derailed my idea that everyone is equal. I am a little lost now on how I feel about equality.

As I finished up the work day and headed to clock out, two separate people made the same joke about having had a shower. This first person I just pretended not to hear. The second person, I think I scared. I said in response, “You know I guess that is pretty funny from where you are standing, but it is not actually funny from my point of view.” He was startled and then apologized. I smoothed things over by threatening to beat him with my soaking wet socks so he could have a ‘shower’ to. But I also had my second moment of clarity then. I am always ready to make things a little more bearable with a joke and the worse off things get, the more jokes I tend to make….up to a certain point. After that point, things just aren’t funny. I have a pretty high tolerance for discomfort, but I can only imagine what my jokes might be like for those with less tolerance. I doubt these realizations will change my joking habits, but it was a new experience for me to be so miserable that a joke just pissed me off.

After work, I did not tell my roommate anything about my day. Normally I would have told of my adventures in a joking manner, even reenacting the ice cold water down the back of the pants bit. This day I couldn’t. I was still so miserable and cold that if I talked about it, I was likely to quit. Instead, I didn’t mention anything, just did my best to get warm and fed. I was still cold despite everything and decided to curl up in bed and do some editing. Instead I curled up in bed, turned the lights out and stared at the ceiling for an hour or two. I was too tired to do anything and that is rare for me. At the very least, I will crochet. At the best I will write a story or work on a drawing. I never, ever do absolutely nothing. I started to fall asleep about 10, my normal bed time, but didn’t stay asleep. Now my hands were aching from getting so cold, my internal thermostat was off. Under the covers I was roasting, out I was freezing. During these hours of …rest, for lack of a better word, I had several more clarifying moments. I shouldn’t be endangering my health for a lousy 8$ an hour. So many things that I had counted on receiving from this job are just not present. When I come home, I am so tired many days that I can’t do the things that I really want. I know that I should quit this job, but I would rather be fired than quit. I know that seems counter intuitive, but I don’t like the idea of quitting because some part of me is calling myself a wimp because I can’t hack the work. So to quit or not to quit? That is the question that has been rattling around in my head for hours.

To continually remind me of the day, there is a horrific storm blowing about. I like storms, but this is bad. I am honestly waiting for a piece of the roof to blow away. All I can think about is going back to work tomorrow (in boots borrowed from Wes, since mine won’t dry for a week) and facing all those soaking wet cover clothes. I also have a feeling that we are going to get yelled at for something not being done correctly in the mad scramble. I hope that it snows so I can call in and say that I am not going to brave the dangerous traffic.

I know that this has been a long blog, but I also want to add that one of the reasons that I wanted to work at MD’s in the greenhouses, was to explore the option of opening my own greenhouse or raising some kind of plant as a way of earning a living. These two weeks have taught me that I am not cut out for that kind of work. I just don’t care that much. Just one more door closed.

So what do you think? Quit or tough it out until something better comes along?